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Really, though, it's rather self-explanatory. Hulk Hogan rapping sounds like Hulk Hogan rapping. Just like fingernails on a chalkboard sound like fingernails on a chalkboard or shrieking puppies being dipped in cauldrons of boiling lard sound like shrieking puppies being dipped in cauldrons of boiling lard. That is, exactly what you'd expect and not altogether pleasing on the ears.

The puncture-your-ear-drums-in-self-defense-and-run-for-the-hills rapping that appears on this album is a type I refer to as the Stay-In-School strain. Meaning, the type that sounds like it was penned by some freak in a suit trying to sound "hip" and "dudical" in tricking kids to like school or not smoke dope. It's a repetitious cadence constructed in the format of "duh duh duh/duh duh, duh duh" For example: "stay in school/cuz it is cool" or a slightly longer version: "hey there kids/if you do drugs/your skin will feel like/it's covered in bugs". That sort of thing. The Hulkster is a huge proponent of this style and doesn't really stray from it in any of his rap songs. It's a comical interpretation of the genre, a dead giveaway that the singer doesn't even understand what he's trying to imitate (this is furthered by Hulk singing the line "I was walkin' down the beach lookin' for some action/Had my radio set on a rap rap station" 'Rap rap'? Huh?) Hulk does it well, for what it's worth, as we can see in catchy verses such as: "Try to do good each and every day/Don't give up nothin' bad to say/Always go swimming with a buddy/Work real hard and

always study/If you want to be real real cool/Don't be so stupid and play the fool" (As you can see, many of the rhyming schemes were obviously formed using the counting on fingers method. "Hmm, brutha, what rhymes with tough? A-uff, buff, cuff," etc, until "rough! Yeah!")

Of course, "Hulk Rules" is not strictly a rap album. Lest you think the Hulkster is a one trick pony, he effortlessly slaughters a wide swath of genres, clumsily diving into the deep waters of country, rock, synthesizer jams, and even somber ballads. Or, as the liner notes put it "Hulk rocks, Hulk raps, Hulk delivers a poignant ballad."

The musical style may awkwardly lurch back and forth between types, but the lyrical message remains consistent: "I'm Hulk, and I Rule. I have some advice for you little hulkamaniacs, and if you listen, you will Rule too". At one point he warns about the dangers of drugs and instructs his legions of fans on how to react to being offered some: "Can you feel the music, can you feel the beat/ You don't need drugs to move your feet/ When the dealer tries to push on you/ Just tell him what you're gonna do" Which leaves you wondering, OK, what am I going to tell him I'm going to do?, and then the chorus arrives with your answer: "I want to be a hulkamaniac" So, apparently, when offered drugs, you're supposed to reply to the shady dope-peddler "I want to be a hulkamaniac"

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