During the 1980's, Nancy Reagan, the first lady, came up with the slogan "Just Say No" to combat teenage drug use. This stunningly powerful phrase must have caused drug lords across the globe to shout "Oh no! We are doomed!" and contemplate shutting down operations in defeat; after all, once children realized that doing drugs was optional, use would disappear with a satisfying 'Poof'. It appeared that Pot, Coke, PCP, and all their sinister buddies were now pitifully outmatched in the War on Drugs. America was once again destined for victory; Ronald Reagan would soon be able to hold a press conference and declare that the terrifying era of marijuana smoking was over.

So Nancy began appearing on commercials during Saturday morning cartoons to spread her message of Just Saying No. She even had a guest appearance on Different Strokes. However all of this was not as effective as hoped… I mean, take a look at Nancy Reagan; wrinkled harpies are not the sort of thing that kids are going to listen to. What, then, would kids listen to? The answer, of course, was video games.

Arcade games across the country began to say "Winners Don't Do Drugs" at the end of each game. Was this effective? The advice would generally pop up after you were killed, which might lead someone to think "Well, winners may not do drugs, but I just

fucked up in this game again, so I guess I'm a loser. Time to give heroin a shot" (Sidenote: Damn, that's catchy. If I ever become an advertising exec and get hired by someone to improve heroin's image and increase sales, that will definitely be the catch phrase I go with: Heroin: Give It a Shot) Besides, at least for me, when I was little kid and I looked around at people who did drugs, some of them were definitely winners. So it appeared that this catch phrase would not end the drug problem by itself, either.

But other games boldly went beyond mere sloganeering and devoted their entire premise to combating drug use in one way or another. I will examine three of these: NARC, Raid 2020, and Wally Bear & the No Gang.

My experiment called for me to get incredibly stoned, play the aforementioned games, and then see if any of them made me want to stop doing drugs.

NARC: No One Had the Guts Until Now
First up was NARC. I smoked a couple of bongloads, and quickly discovered that since I don't really smoke weed anymore, my tolerance had plummeted to meek levels, leaving me so stoned I could barely hold the controller. But I carried on, determined to deliver my findings to you, dear reader. Perhaps I would discover that reform lies not in 12 steps or methadone clinics, but in 8-bit video cartridges.

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